1. |
hello
01:29
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hello, good morning
nice to meet you
please excuse the fact
that at the time I wrote that line
it was the evening, and
there's every chance you're hearing it
some other time of day
but that moment's passed
thank g-d for that
I'm glad it's out the way
'cos I'm going round in circles
hoping to disguise the fact
I might not be so boring
if I could just drop the act
I'm just so pleased to see you
I just can't let you see
that all my songs about feeling happy
are secretly
about misery
I didn't want today to be
the day that you found out
your every little kindness
registers to me as doubt
and we just met
it's early days to whine about my health
so I'll hide behind my anxiety
say more about yourself
'cos I'm going round in circles
hoping to disguise the fact
I might be someone interesting
if I could just learn how to act
I'm just so pleased to see you
I just can't let you see
that all my songs about feeling happy
are secretly
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2. |
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I got so tired, my fingers are numb
my eyelids they feel heavy
I leave in a week, the boxes aren't packed
don't know if I will ever be ready
it's my own fault I don't get enough sleep
there's enough hours in the day
when I get home, I just wake up again
those hours seem to just run away
so I never write
I never call
I've got too much to say
so I say nothing at all
days turn to weeks
spring turns to fall
if you left me alone
I'd forget I was here at all
the curtains are open, the streetlight's on
it's not quite half past eight
remembered the eat? the laundry's done?
still feels like it's gonna get late
the letters are posted? the bills have been paid?
all that's left to do is wait
but I can't relax when there's nothing to do
the pressure to just do something's too great
so I never write...
it's my own fault I don't get enough sleep
there's enough hours in the day
when i get home, I just wake up again
I stare down those hours and I chase them away
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3. |
aww, beans
01:03
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I get my drugs from the table
in the corner of the room
when I get in in the morning
it's the first thing I'll do
if I'm really pressed for time
I might grab some on the way
more concerned with ticking boxes
than with how to start the day
and if there's nothing on the table
I can just go down the street
we've got ourselves an industry
with culture and routine
and if it starts to cause me trouble
well they might avert their eyes
'cos I'm good enough at selling
what it is they want to buy
and if I got up too late
it's 'cos I had too much last night
and if I say last night
I guess I mean the afternoon
we don't speak in pounds and ounces
we don't wanna cause a scene
there's nobody wants to talk about
the elephant in the room
I get my drugs from the table
in the corner of the room
and when I get in tomorrow
it's the first thing I'll do
and you know I'm pressed for time
I didn't catch much sleep
the small things cost a fortune
but at least
the coffee's cheap
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4. |
sticks 'n' stones
02:09
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everything is coming up
just fine for me
I'm glad you asked
since the last time that we spoke
I've found this castle's made of glass
I'm throwing stones
I'm throwing bricks
I'm throwing mud
to see what sticks
'cos every time things start to change
it seems to come out in the rain
everything was going fine
until you had to go and ask
as it happens, since you wrote
your favourite bridge has burned to ash
we're throwing sticks
we're throwing stones
we're casting lots
for who goes home
now all that's left for us to do
is walk away in dead men's shoes
everything is coming to a head
I guess it had to pass
since the last time we squared off
I've found your jaw is made of glass
I'm throwing stones
I'm throwing bricks
I'm throwing up
I'm fucking sick
of always having to pretend
class won't win out in the end
I'm throwing stones
I'm throwing bricks
I'm throwing up
I'm fucking sick
of always having to pretend
this market stall had room
for friends
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5. |
no moats
02:55
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camped out on the edge of my seat
so I can see the stars
tonight I'm not so sure on my feet
so I don't have to try very hard
the room spins like you wouldn't believe
if it's spinning at all
but if anyone were there to catch me
I wouldn't trust me to fall
had plans I was gonna dig deep
but nothing heals in this ground
get sick when I'm tryna act sweet
I swear it's not how it sounds
but I think that I wanna believe
if I'm thinking at all
but if anyone were there to listen
I wouldn't trust me to talk
I wanna run but I can't walk on water
I lose sight when the sun goes down anyway
floodlights on a hiding to nothing
there's no depth to the end of the day
skipping beats at the tide
just to see if they float
one g-d, no masters
no moats
set course for the heart or the city
I'll be first to the walls
close my eyes, hope we miss it
hey let's get out and walk
but I get that you wanna go with me
if we get there at all
but if anyone should ask where we're headed
I wouldn't trust me to know
I wanna run but I can't walk on water
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6. |
chickenshit
02:56
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I am making mountains
out of molehills in the garden
keeping watch out by the bolt holes
for the hunters who would harm them
the keepers are not keeping
to themselves
so I am keeping far away
anyone's fair game
and when we're walking home
they're flagging down the traffic
try to hold my breath and nerve
try not to make things too dramatic
but between the shopping bags
and my own baggage, I just panic
I can't fight
I'll see you back inside
'cos like gramsci said
I'm chickenshit
and when it comes to blows
I'd rather read another book
I'd rather write another poem
sorite's had it wrong
we're piling on the blame
they've got addresses
they've all got names
I've been sitting tight
waiting to plan out my next move
hope when the time seems kinda right
we'll still have something left to lose
I haven't slept too much this week
sitting up just hurts
somehow the thought of standing down
is so much fucking worse
I just wanna call in sick
today, to tell the truth
but all those coins you toss in coffee cups
won't add up to a roof
all your prayers and your intentions
won't mean shit when it comes time
to either rise up on the current
or just wash out with the tide
and I am making mountains
out of molehills in the garden
'cos like gramsci said
I'm chickenshit
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7. |
let's get ice cream
03:13
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there's a place on the shore that I joke is a front
'cos I rarely see anyone there
and they serve ice cream until gone ten o'clock
and they don't even break for the winter
I've never been anywhere else
where I've seen anyone review CCTV
and I'm fed up and tired, I don't wanna be watched
but right now that's where I wanna be
and I have been nervously checking the windows
to check on what's going on outside
you wouldn't believe how it feels to be hidden
to feel like existing is something to hide
so I wish you best, I hope you keep safe
and your family don't come to harm
and I hope that if you twitch that curtain too hard
the whole thing comes down on you
and breaks your damn arm
so maybe instead of calling the cops
you can call up your old friends
and tell them you miss them
and make plans to go get ice cream
when this whole thing is done
maybe instead of calling the cops
you can think for a second
and just fucking not
'cos we're gonna need more than police
when this whole thing is done
there's a man droning on
there's drones on the hillside
out looking for people on walks
the neighbourhood watch have been working from home
the twitchers are grounded
re-skilling as hawks
so I hope that you're keeping in touch while you're keeping your distance
keep clean, and keep well
and I hope that the ones who keep making reports
realise that more violence
will not fucking help
so maybe instead of calling the cops
you can call up your old friends
and tell them you miss them
and make plans to go get ice cream
when this whole thing is done
maybe instead of calling the cops
you can think for a second
and just fucking not
'cos we're gonna need more than police
when this whole thing is done
maybe instead of calling the cops
you can call up your neighbours
organise rent strikes
and make plans to go get ice cream
when the landlords are done
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8. |
beneath the lights
04:04
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too sick to sing
the words I promise you
weeks ago
and when I catch my breath
I promise you
you'll be the first to know
and if I write a song about you
doesn't mean I ever feared you
the ones who cut the deepest
tend to leave the clearest lines
if I forget to write you
doesn't mean I straight forgot you
just want something to hold onto
that won't fade
beneath the lights
too sick to sing
the words that I phoned in
months ago
and when they're calling names
I promise you
the last ones in
will be the first to go
between the sealing lips
and drying eyes
and drying ink
we grit our teeth
get organised
compare our notes
and if I write a song about you
doesn't mean that I regret you
the ones who cut the deepest
make it through the other side
if I forget to write you
doesn't mean I clean forgot you
just want something to hold onto
that won't crack
beneath the lights
and if I write a song about you
I don't wanna scare you
the ones who get the closest
know that I'm scared all the time
and well if I forgot to write you
chances are I just forgot you
doesn't mean that I don't want you
next to me
beneath the lights
too sick to sing
the words I promised you
years ago
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9. |
cartilage delenda est
03:15
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I'm not taking the bus today
I'm taking the back streets
under cover of the trees
down where roads and rivers meet
I don't want a fuss today
I just want to breathe
in between the mud and leaves
where I can hear myself think
and walking is the only thing
that comes to me more naturally
than shutting myself up inside
in spite of all that I believe
I'd rather run myself aground
or walk right out into the sea
sing CARTILAGE DELENDA EST
this skeleton's no use for knees
I'm not taking the train today
I want to see the streets
skip the cracks and crack a smile
feel the town beneath my feet
I'm pushing past the pain today
'cos I just want to be
in between the dust and dirt
where I can't hear myself speak
cry CARTILAGE DELENDA EST
this ghost has got no use for knees
I'm not taking their grief today
I'm taking back the streets
where no one knows what to believe
so no one need admit defeat
scream CARTILAGE DELENDA EST
the dead have got no use for knees
the dead have got no use for knees
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10. |
prettier
02:23
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maybe it's true that you're prettier
but we both came in the same room
we clung to the sides, averting our eyes
and held tight
til we could go home
maybe it's true that you're different
but we're both here in the same room
both brought all our so that we'd have
the courage to stay
and someone to blame
I write to be read
but it never occurred you'd write back
so you've got sweet nothings?
that's sweet, I've got nothing
I'm blank
the opening line
is always the hardest
I'll write that one last
now I'm still where I started
we'll never meet
but just know I wrote this one for you
we'll never speak
but right now it's the best I can do
maybe it's true that you're prettier
but maybe you still doubt yourself
the same way I doubt me
is that hard to believe?
and maybe it's true that you're different
but this voice is much louder
it's coming from inside the house
I can't shut it out
and I write to be read
but it never occurred you'd write back
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11. |
(a hundred) green lights
03:08
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if you wanna talk to me
guess I wanna talk to you
I don't mean to bore you
you can just ignore me
I just thought it might be cool
there's a hundred green lights
on any given night
how would you know mine's for you?
I know you wanna talk to me
I'm too scared to talk to you
I forgot your smile
yeah it's only been a while
but it vanished
when you left the room
there's a hundred green lights
on any given night
I could swear yours was blue
so if you wanna talk to me
I don't wanna talk to you
my charm missed a beat
now it's playing on repeat
I'm terrified of losing you
there's a hundred green lights
on any given night
none of them are shining through
none of them are shining through
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12. |
everyone is ugly
03:35
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there's a picture in my head
of somewhere perfect, pictureseque
a frame without a title
a body beyond deed
and out on the horizon
lies a hill I swear I'll die on
'cos that picture-perfect silhouette
could just never be me
and I've been tracing outlines
chasing notes along the margins
shading in the imperfections
I've been staving off the fear
that holding forth on all the strings
that hold me back, a path unfolds into my lap
and tumbles downwards
like an arrow, says "you're here"
and everyone is beautiful
so everyone is ugly
and well fuck me
if that's not exactly
what I need to hear
if g-d's not gonna smile
at the sheer fucking beauty
of the things that we're becoming
she's not welcome
around here
now the devil's stuck in line
waiting his turn to cast his vote
into the ocean just to see
if she can float or she can sing
and I'm bewitched by the idea
of some ideal that I might meet
out in the dark but I'm not tall enough
to ride the waves out here
where we're harbouring these notions
of pitch perfect imperfections
of some fissure in the mirror
broken just enough to see
the shadow of some heretic
who's brightened up my doorstep
it turns out she's just some fugitive
who's run away with me
and everyone is beautiful
so everyone is ugly
and somewhere down the road
in some backwater they're not closed for good
and goodness ain't just roadkill
on the dirt tracks out of town
you know I'll always disappoint you
like the ones who came before you
but I'll hold your hand and listen
while we both let ourselves down
and everyone is beautiful
so everyone is ugly
and well fuck me
if that's not exactly
what I need to hear
if g-d's just gonna smile
in delight at your misfortune
I'll take that fucking smile
and slit it clean from ear to ear
and everyone is beautiful
so everyone is ugly
and well fuck me
if that's not exactly
what I need to hear
if g-d's not gonna smile
at the sheer fucking beauty
of the people we're becoming
she's not welcome
around here
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pictureskew Edinburgh, UK
skipping beats at the tide, just to see if they float.
anxious, gay, acoustic,
punk.
with violins.
emma (she/her)
& ione (they/them)
from scotland.
... more
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